Uncle Dick.....Much More Than an Uncle (Draft)

A few weeks ago, I lost my Uncle Richard (Dick) Grifasi from California. My uncle was a larger than life personality. I wanted to write and share how he positively impacted my life, because I learned many lessons from my uncle. One of them is to do things on your own terms. When you think about
it, there are only a few people in life that impact how we see the world. We learn this as we cross the threshold of age fifty. Looking back, helps us understand who we are today. My uncle's passing gave me time to reflect and realize he was a great man, and impacted my view of the world we live in.

Uncle Dick was born to Italian-American immigrants on my mom's side of the family. Despite all you hear today about immigrants and refugees from the past, it was never an easy road for my mother and her brother. They grew up in a home that was fractured by poverty and the complications that come with being first generation immigrants. Yet, we grew up with family events that sheltered the kids from the grown up problems. It was our uncle that always remembered to shelter kids from the adult problems by being a kid himself. Crazy, and at times a bit inappropriate, he brought laughter and joy into our lives.


I never knew my Uncle Dick as well as my siblings when he lived in our hometown. He left the city of Rome New York shortly after I was born. Our family never really talked about his time in Rome much.  A few years ago I went on a family research site to learn more about him. The site, Fulton History is an archive of newspapers from the 20th century in Upstate New York. One search, and I learned quickly what made my uncle so unique. In the 1950's and 60's, he was the big fish in a small pond. He spoke out on issues that mattered, and was unafraid to speak his mind in a community that was lacking in diverse thinking. He belonged to many clubs, often serving in a leadership role. I admired his courage and engagement in the community he loved. This lead me to wonder, why would he leave a city he loved so much?

The explanation was simple. My uncle would meet the love of his life Carla Coia. My Aunt Carla was widowed with two children in the 1960's. Back in the day, men stepping up and being a devoted husband and father was a great task. Men were considered providers, and less nurturing. It took a special man to love unconditionally. My uncle embraced the children as his own, and would start a journey that would impact many more lives in the coming years. Leaving Rome was for my uncle a blessing and curse. He would tell his family and friends beloved stories about Rome for 50 plus years. It was always a source of confusion for me as a child. Why would someone leave something he loved so much?

The explanation, as old fashioned as this might sound is Rome was taken away by a very special lady. My Aunt Carla was probably the only person that could tame my uncle's positive energy and guide his ambitions in the right direction. And that direction was California. My aunt had a great business mind, and in my opinion, helped him learn how to be strategic with his ambitions. They moved to California, and I truly believe in my heart this was the best move my uncle could have made, as Rome was stifling his creativity.

If you moved out west in the in the latter part of the 20th century, it was an open market for people who were creative. My uncle and aunt had many business adventures. Too many to list. Growing up as a kid, he would share his business success with me when I visited. My favorite story was his candy business in Las Vegas. Only my uncle Dick could tell his nephew, "We make booby candy out of chocolate" and get away with it. My mother would have had a fit if anyone else told that story to me. That was just, "Uncle Dick" back in the day. He was creative, and ambitious. No one was going to stop him from telling his stories, and enlightening us on how to live life to it's fullest.

During this time, my uncle realized the value of an education. He would become a teacher, and a great one at that. One of his greatest gifts was his ability to connect with children. Since he loved a challenge, he worked with challenging youth. It was at this time of my life, I had my first visit to see him in California. He would share stories about his "kids" that he worked with. This is the time of my life that I had my first role model who taught me how to see the world through a critical lens. My uncle had that rare ability to say, "I could never get mad at this kid. I knew he came from a broken home." And my uncle also taught me how to connect to families that were challenging by not judging their lot in life. A skill I would use the rest of my life. He never judged, because he had empathy. There is something to learn from his example. This lesson is so important, and I always emphasize the value of empathy with my own children. Today, we live in a world of Us and Them. For my uncle, there was just us.

My Uncle Dick's children (3 now, as Aunt Carla and Uncle Dick had a daughter after they were married) would grow up with one of the craziest dads. This is another lesson I learned from my uncle. The greatest job in the world is being a dad. Your kids learn from their dad's ability to be compassionate and loving. Today, our society is a fatherless society. I currently lecture about fatherhood. After my uncle passed, I realized that I am a role model for new dads regarding the values that my father and uncle taught me. Being a father is your highest calling in life. The success of our children rely on our commitment to be a father., and this is a job we cannot take lightly.

My uncle's fatherhood skills continued on as he would play an important role in his grandchildren's lives. Absentee fathers can be damaging to a child's development if a fatherhood figure does not step up. I truly believe my uncle's work with at-risk youth helped shape his values. He most likely saw throughout his career many children that came from fatherless homes. He knew it was important to step up for his grandchildren. And boy did he ever. When I went to California in my late 20's and early 30's, his stories changed. He talked with pride about his role with his grandchildren. He loved them dearly, and ensured they had everything they need. That was the kind of guy my uncle was, as he loved everyone unconditionally. I could never understand in the beginning where his passion came from. He grew up in a family whereas his siblings did not have the type of relationships that he shared with his children and grandchildren. My best guess is that he learned from his life experiences that empathy comes from a very special place. Without bonding and empathy, we become empty inside, never knowing how to love. Again, this impacted how I see my world. Uncle Dick taught me by his example to love unconditionally your children. Most importantly,  he also taught me"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." It is important to guide our lives with love, not anger.

Later in life, I would go through challenges. I lost my parents, and really had to dig deep for strength after they passed. It was an extremely difficult time in my life. I really believe we all have critical times in our lives similar to what I went through. During this time, I kept things simple. My kids came first, and I had a great time with them as they grew up. While I did not have the financial resources my Uncle did, I had his energy and heart. My kids grew up with a crazy dad, that loved life. That's all they ever needed. As they grew up, something special happened. My uncle and his grandchildren started coming to Rome to visit.

At this point of my uncle's life, he was entering his final years. When his dear wife passed, he came to Rome many times to visit with his grandchildren. The bond they shared deeply impacted how I saw the world. No matter the age, we can positively impact people. I was blessed to see how much his grandchildren adored their grandfather. They were patient and understanding of his story telling. As I watched this special bond, I was reminded that we never miss the little things in life until they are gone. Towards the end, my uncle repeated many of his stories from his youth in Rome. His grandchildren knew that that's what made him happy. Rome was in a sense, uncle Dick's first wife. Leaving Rome was not easy. That's why he always wanted to come back. I never met a person that personified a city of birth until I saw the world through the eyes of my uncle. In a sense, it hurt him to leave Rome, even though it was the right thing to do.

His final years, I truly believe were special. His grandchildren reconnected to his first lady in life. His grandchildren were connected to his family in Rome. In my opinion, that was the best closure he could have regarding Rome. Knowing that his grandchildren were connected to his past, probably meant more than some might realize. During his last visit to Rome, I took him to Delmonico's Steak House. He was with my daughter, and his granddaughter. He told some great stories and we sat around for an hour. We were about to leave, and then it happened. What is a tradition, Uncle Dick likes to horse around with the wait staff, and strangers. We were exiting the building, and 3 elderly woman were waiting for the car. They were drawn to him, and he just couldn't help himself. A few flirtatious comments, a couple of crude jokes and they were putty in his hands. I choked up a bit that night, as I reflected on his life. He never noticed, but I was sincerely happy for him. Uncle Dick was a great guy, that no matter where his was, he made people smile. I kind of share that same trait.

My uncle and I share another trait that I struggled with for years. Sometimes, people like us can never turn off our energy and enthusiasm. Unfortunately, people have to walk in our shoes to understand what it is like to wake up and want to live everyday with a bit of crazy and fun from start to finish. High metabolisms come with challenging behaviors. We tend to speak our feelings, instead of thinking about them. We are wired differently. It's why we are creative and take risks.

For the longest time, I could never understand people who wanted to tame high energy people like my uncle and I. I always assumed they felt overwhelmed by my behavior. I realized introverted people, can struggle with who we are, and that is okay. Over the years, my eldest son and daughter have tried to explain why it bothers them when I get a little crazy. It use to hurt my feelings a bit, however I have normalized it over the years knowing Uncle Dick probably drove everyone crazy at one point or another. The legacy is that when we are gone, we miss what sometimes challenged us. Looking back, it was one hell of a ride.

In his latter years, my uncle would come to Rome and never stayed with his immediate family. It would bother me for many years. I struggled with the lack of love and empathy from his siblings. I tried to understand their view of the world of Uncle Dick, and understood my thoughts were slightly different. After all, he and my Aunt Carla opened their homes countless times to relatives from Rome. They were so generous to anyone that traveled to California. I could never understand the estrangement and isolation.

I too felt estranged sometimes by the isolation similar to what my uncle felt.  I feel it every day of my life. Like my uncle, I just continue on being me. He helped me normalize who I am, and how I fit in a world of my friends and family.

His legacy, as well as mine will be the children, and grandchildren. I wonder with my own children, how they see my life. When I get a little crazy, do they think to themselves, "Oh here we go, look out!" I can't help to think that deep down inside, both our families love who we are, and understand crazy is kinda cool when you think about it. That's the gift I was given from my Uncle. Live, Laugh Love....it's not a phrase to hang up in our living room. It's how we are supposed to live our life. Thanks Uncle Dick....you will always be a part of me, and I thank you for witnessing a life well lived.

Has It Been a Year?

We are back! It has been a year since we posted any updates. Hard to believe. Ambitious projects await. 1000+ people read our archives a month, and we continue to write. Over the past year, many new articles were written. Check them out. New updates will be coming soon. Thanks for reading and enjoying our work.

Jack's Music Corner (Coming Soon)

We would like to welcome a new writer to Decency Publishing. Jack Sehn will share his talents and give us our second Music blog. (Positively Genesis was our first) We are looking forward to see what Jack has to offer.

New Release - Cooking It Up WIth Dad

Decency Publishing has released another book: Cooking It Up With Dad. This will be part of a series of books that encourage dads to cook with their children. The recipes are a lifelong journey with my children. The link to purchase the book will be added to the blog.

Dads Helping Dads

A new book was released by Decency Publishing this weekend. Dads helping dads is available on Amazon. Speaking series will start in the fall for non-profits and educational institutions. The focus of this new series is fatherhood engagement. This is a crisis in our nation as 24 million children on average wake up every day without a fatherhood figure.

CNY Animal Allies Launched Today

5 kids and an idea that helps animal assisted therapy. A project for the FLL (LEGO) league, this is a service project that goes well beyond the project itself. An idea of connecting humans to animal assisted therapies that demonstrates empathy of those who suffer from mental and physical disabilities. This is also a project demonstrates that early childhood learning experiences can shape a child's view of the world. I am very proud of this release, and encourage others to reach out and get involved in their community.

Be Careful Before Casting Stones At Fidel......

The death of Fidel Castro will surely be a cause for celebration for many Cuban-Americans. And, for most Americans, the end of an era. Fidel Castro was a constant thorn to the United States. He survived numerous attempts on his life, and truly stared down many Presidents as they saber rattled against his regime.

I am not an expert in Global Politics by any means. However, there were some things that we criticize Castro for, and give our own country a pass. Here are some examples:

Human Rights: No doubt, he deserves all the criticisms he will be given, however, what would happen if we took the energy we give Fidel, and examine our own abuses in our system of justice?

Energy: While Castro's system was antiquated, he did have an energy policy that made the country fully independent from big oil. Not an easy task to accomplish.

Shared Wealth: While Cuba is a poor nation, Castro did redistribute wealth equitably compared to the system that exists in the United States. He also rid the country of corporations that exploited labor for the benefit of the few.

Healthcare: Cubans enjoy universal access to Healthcare. No one goes bankrupt from getting cancer. The system of care in Cuba is well respected, and the citizens are well cared for.

Communism is the legacy that will surely be the narrative of Fidel's life. However, he did things boldly and challenged the world's superpower to look inside itself before casting stones at Cuba. Maybe, just maybe he has a point. As a country that has a system that benefits corporations versus people, maybe can look inside ourselves with the same energy we will give the death of Castro.

CNY Animal Allies - A Project From A Local Robotics Group

Decency Publishing is pleased to announce that we have a new blog. The blog is a creation of a local robotics group known as RoboMojo. The purpose of the blog is to help humans create positive connections to our animal counterparts. The emphasis is children with disabilities for their research project. Check out the blog for updates as the group moves forward.

Readership Is Up For 2016

Decency Publishing has seen an increase in readership this year. Our articles have reached over 100.000 readers thanks to shares and social media. Helped by a new Facebook page, our outreach has increased over 2015. The increase in articles and topics has also lead to our increase in readership.  Gains in Europe and Asia is the largest contributing factor to our growth this year. Hopefully, with the addition of new members to our Facebook page, along with new writers, we will see increased readership in 2017.

We Need Five Startups for.... I SPY CNY

Decency Publishing is taking the next step to moving another ambitious project to being shovel ready. We are looking for 5 local businesses to write and promote for free on our new site. That's right. FOR FREE. We want to use the data from these promotions to start our business along with promoting yours.

The only qualifications for the free promotion are that you are locally owned business, you offer a unique product or service, and you have a passion to grow your small business. You can also be a new business or service needing to get the word out.

What we will do, in exchange for this research is come to your business, complete a profile, and see if we have a reasonable fit. Next, our writers will create a promotional draft for your approval. Finally we will blitz the local social media and track our success in promoting your business.

Too good to be true. In a sense, you are also helping us get our newest venture off the ground, so we want to reach out and get ourselves known. It is a win-win for the both of us. Please let us know if you are interested by posting on our FB page or Decency Publishing website. We will get back to you right away!

What Is Decency Publishing?

Some people at this point might be wondering, what is Decency Publishing? Originally, the goal of Decency Publishing was to publish books both in paper and online publications. We have reached over 100.000 people the past 10 years and quickly will surpass 150.000 within a few months. This might sound like a lot, however in publishing, it is a drop in the bucket.

For the past 10 years, Decency Publishing included an online National Publication for Education Policies, books such as Cerebral Cinema and Quest For Human Decency, and numerous blogs. Some articles were syndicated and that readership is calculated on those sites. Unfortunately, we cannot calculate the readership outside of our control.  In reality, we have reached more readers than we can track. I felt it was time for a change in goals this year.

For anyone who wants to work with us, the goals of the writing and publishing are quite simple. Promote subject matters that get people to think and challenge conventional wisdom. And for the past 10 years, we have done just that. Our articles and publications have reached over 90 countries around the world. Some of our blogs have been popular in Europe and Asia more than the readership in the United States.

This year, I felt it was time to expand the goals a bit. I always have had an interest in promoting the arts. So, we are expanding into artistic venues and helping others market their talents. I have always been a big proponent for education. I often have felt we lack offerings for kids and adults to expand their horizons. We will soon be offering educational classes for the first time! We want to encourage and promote authors of all ages to join the creative process. We will also be working with musicians and artists to provide support by collaborating with local businesses and communities. We will also market many aspiring artists on our new Facebook page.

We have other projects that are going to be exciting to announce in the future. We hope to make announcements soon. The title of the article was "What Is Decency Publishing?" In a sense, Decency Publishing is the promotion of arts and entertainment. Our goal is to be inclusive and a resource for our community.

Decency Publishing Is Expanding In 2016

Decency Publishing is expanding to new projects for 2016. We are excited to have a new Facebook page and marketing strategy. New goals for this year include forming an LLC and expanding our projects beyond online and paper publishing.

We are reaching out to new partnerships and will soon embark into a kickstarter campaign. Watch for future posts for further details. We also hope to expand into the lecture circuit throughout the northeast. Our talented group of writers are unique, and we feel an excellent addition to many higher learning classes.

Another area of expansion will include marketing. We hope to promote local businesses as part of our expansion with a very unique project knows as I SPY CNY. Stay tuned for further developments as we progress.

We always want to promote new authors and aspiring projects towards decency. Please feel free to contact us on our Facebook page. You can like the page Decency Publishing by searching for it on Facebook.

Check Out The Mystic Bee

Our Decency Publishing page has a great selection of authors for readers to examine. Recently, with permission we are promoting the Mystic Bee. I am fortunate to be a good friend of the author, Deb Snyder PH.D. Deb provides insight that I have benefitted from for years. I am so lucky to introduce new writers and readers to her work. If you would like to write a book, or need consultation with your aspirations to write or speak, Deb is an excellent resource.

Coming Soon - I SPY CNY

I am really excited about a new blog I am working on. I SPY CNY will showcase unique products and services that are offered in the Utica Rome area. It is my hope to get the word out to help local businesses by promoting local offerings that many people are unaware of that are in their backyard. Stay tuned.....I SPY CNY Will launch in late January or early February. 

Dads Helping Dads and Cooking it up with Dad have strong debuts

Dads helping dads and cooking it up with dad have been very strong in readership. Together, they have over 2000 people that have read and shared the articles. The readership has extended outside of the United States. The importance of a father in a child's life is so important. Any positive contribution to encourage fathers to stay a part of child's life surely is great news!

The Quest For Human Decency Is Getting Revamped

My oldest blog, and one that I have underappreciated over the years is the Quest For Human Decency blog. Inspired by the first book I every wrote and published, it is near and dear to my writing. I have never changed anything over the past 8 years up until 2016. It was starting to look and feel tired to me. It is my most popular blog approaching 10 thousand readers. It was time for a change. It is much brighter and easier to read. Due to the complexity of so many articles, I will be cleaning up the links so that new readers can read older articles with ease. So keep an eye on my very first, and special blog as we change it this year. Many thanks to the thousands of readers who have supported it by reading the articles and commenting.

Parents and Teachers - Cerebral Cinema Has Changed For Easier Access

Cerebral Cinema is getting a revamp. With so many movies reviewed, and more to come, we added categories for easy use. The blog archives is a longer process and many may forgo the earlier reviews out of convenience of page browsing. Having the movies categorized allows for the reader to find recommendations in a category that they find interesting. The home page allows for one page access to the archives and simplifies ease of access.

Do We Live In A Lottery System Model Of Care?

For many years, it has occurred to me that public policy has taken to a lottery system of care approach to solving problems. What is meant by Lottery System? Simply, we tap into people's willingness to gamble on risk in order to support the perception that they put a few extra dollars in their pocket by supporting such a system. Here are a few examples:

Healthcare: Our Healthcare model is prioritized by risk. Prior to Obamacare, it was much worse. Yet, today we set premiums based on risk factors. For example, the young pay the least to insure themselves whereas the older adults will pay more. If you are not likely to need emergency care, you also opt for policies that have minimal risk for exposure to a serious incident by charging high deductibles. If you get lucky enough, you will never need to pay them. The entire system has lottery deadlines an protocols to receive care making it difficult for providers and those needing care to solve healthcare problems for individuals.

Education: Our model of education is similar. Charter Schools have a lottery system in some cases. Living in a neighborhood with a poor performing school, you can enter a lottery requesting a new school. There are deadlines for yearbooks based on income eligibility in high school. Academic achievement can be improved through a lottery process of prep classes. Some qualify, while others do not. Post secondary education has a similar process. Some affirmative action programs can lottery a person in a program or lead to your denial. High demand programs are sometimes use a lottery process to enroll a students. Missing student aid and scholarship deadlines can be a huge mistake.

Social Services: The system of care is based on knowledge of the odds. Miss a HEAP date, no help for you. Fill out a form wrong, wait another month to apply. Missed the date for signing up childcare assistance, you can not apply again. Rent assistance, HUD, and Food Assistance. All have elements of a lottery process.

There are many more examples. We lottery almost every service in this country. Would it not be simpler to streamline the process. After all, we spend billions supporting a lottery system of care. Why not directly target money to impact programs universally without mandates and complicated lottery measures? Is there a better system of care than the one we have now. Lottery systems are expensive and ineffective. After all, a dollar and a dream is just that, a dollar an a dream.

Decency Publishing Is Proud To Annouce The Additon Of Dads Helping Dads

Dads helping Dads is our newest blog. The blog will consist of inspirational stories and tips for dads who are struggling with fatherhood after divorce or the ending of a relationship with the biological mother.

The Fatherhood crisis in our country is one that can be greatly improved by outreach and support for fathers. Many organizations are starting to reengage dads. This blog will provided helpful links to connect dads to the resources necessary to maintain a positive relationship with mother and child.

There will also be parenting tips and helpful resources for domestic care of their home. The site is also interactive and hopefully dads will reach out to each other as the blog develops. If you would like to contribute to the site, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Check Out Inner Tapestry And Support A Great Organization

Decency Publishing is now featuring some of the articles through an online partnership with Inner Tapestry. Here is a brief bio of the magazine:

Inner Tapestry supports people in the discovery of holistic wellness, spiritual wisdom, and the celebration of life!

 

We have been a print publication for the past 15 years as Inner Tapestry Journal reaching tens of thousands of devoted readers and are now expanding our reach globally through the blessing of digital media. We are excited to offer interesting, informative, and uplifting articles, programs, and events. Inner Tapestry is brought to you by The HeartGlow Center, a 501c3 public charity dedicated to conscious living. Our content contributors are talented writers, teachers, artists, and best selling authors from across the world, all who donate their time and talents for the cause and for your education and enjoyment. Inner Tapestry is always FREE to read thanks to the support of our charitable sponsors, advertisers, affiliates, and kind people like you!

I have been friends with Dr. Snyder for 30 years. She is truly an inspiration and I look forward to working with her.